Carnival in Cologne - The crazy days
Yes, we do call this the fifth season and no, we don’t mean this ironically at all. The folly starts on 11/11 at 11:11 o’clock with performances of traditional musicians and the Kölner Dreigestirn. Don’t forget to dress up; otherwise, you will have to explain to strangers why you didn’t and trust me, people won’t accept excuses. At least draw a heart on your cheek to show solidarity. After that one day in November, you don’t really notice any carnival activities anymore, given that you are not involved in any carnival clubs and don’t have sittings and mask balls to attend to in January. It all leads up to a street carnival sometime in February/March, also known as complete and utter madness – for a reason.
In Cologne, and also in the surrounding region, people go especially insane and the whole city comes to a halt on the professional side. When even the proudest owner of a suit and a briefcase swaps it for a pint and a hotdog costume, you know that things are getting serious. There is no escape, so either you pack a few costumes and embrace it, or you stay as far away from this spectacle as possible. If you don’t like walking around with face paint, I really advise you to run and hide because there is no such thing as being ‘neutral’: you either love or hate carnival with a passion. The festivities start on Weiberfastnacht (Women’s Carnival Day) with, as the name suggests, women being in charge and traditionally chopping off men’s ties and laces. Sounds weird, but it’s usually a great laugh – at least for the women. Guys, either wear your ugliest tie to the office or hide in the toilets; we are coming after you with scissors and no mercy whatsoever! The fun continues on Friday with the Sternmarsch of the Veedelsvereine, which is a parade of the carnival clubs from each neighbourhood with a musical program and many events in the area close to the city centre afterwards. On Saturday, untrained people spend the morning trying to get rid of their inevitable exhaustion and maybe a small hangover. Those used to the process of celebration gather at Neumarkt for the meeting of the Roten Funken (a traditional carnival corps in Cologne).
The bash continues all day, of course with many restaurants and bars open for those who would like to sit and soak in the atmosphere for a bit. On Sunday, it’s the neighbourhoods’ turn to have their parade before the long-awaited Rosenmontagszug (Rose Monday Parade), which is the biggest procession in central Cologne, involving tons of sweets and little presents being thrown and the funniest and most creative costumes you’ve ever seen. The wagons participating in the main parade are gorgeously constructed as the organisers never fail to come up with beautiful designs or witty and usually not very subtle references to politically or socially important events of the past year. Over a million people from all over the world come to watch and celebrate along the 7 kilometres (about 4.5 miles) long route each year. Before the city gets set back to its normal state on Ash Wednesday, which is always 46 days before Easter Sunday as it is the beginning of Lent, the Nubbel (a straw doll) gets burned on Tuesday at midnight. It symbolises burning all vices and mistakes made during the ‘5th season’.
You can have the most fun on the Ringe, a semi-circular boulevard and street system, in the Belgische Viertel, a neighbourhood with many pubs and restaurants, and in the city centre on showplaces like Neumarkt and Heumarkt. Those are the main locations for freaky costumes, music, sing-a-longs to said music, consumption of large amounts of food and beer, and happily mingling people. Contrary to popular belief, the Cologne carnival is not all about alcohol as it may seem at first sight, but about having fun and dressing up like you normally wouldn’t. There is literally nothing you can’t wear; you will get to see the strangest costumes and make-ups in return. For us locals it is a chance to celebrate - those not heavily involved in the festivities celebrate the time off from work instead - and also to socialise. Just a small warning: it is a common practice to exchange kisses on the cheeks, called ‘Bützchen’, with loads of people you don’t necessarily know that well. There’s no need to be confused, it’s just a short expression of happiness and frolic. Another thing that I shouldn’t withhold: When people shout ‘Alaaf’ (meaning something like ‘Hurray’), you reply with ‘Alaaf’. The most offensive thing you can do, even worse than not saying anything, is saying ‘Helau’, the carnival greeting of Cologne’s local rival Düsseldorf. You don’t want to get stared down by a mob screaming ‘Alaaf’ in a deafening volume. Okay I know, they maybe couldn’t chase you with torches and pitchforks in costumes not necessarily made for becoming a professional athlete; however, don’t push your luck. I’m joking, of course, but seriously: ‘Helau’ is definitely not a good way to become popular here. Eventually, a last handy tip: there are usually severe delays and/or closures on bus and train routes as well as stressful chaos on the Autobahn, especially on the day of the Rose Monday Parade. So make sure you arrive early enough if you’ve got plans to join in on the fun. To my fellow ‘Jecken’ or carnival fans: have fun and ‘Alaaf’!
